Tera-pies

I would often describe myself(to new people, mostly) as a "professional lamp post". And that used to be my thing. But maybe it's age, or maybe I just have better things to do now that I'm no longer tied down to classes or assignments, I kinda want to call it a day on this particular "profession" of mine.

Anyway, this is a rough compilation of what I would usually tell my "clients"(don't worry, no names or specific circumstances shall be revealed). I figured it'd be a basic manual for serious relationships(please don't hold my word to it though, I have zero relationship experience...which is why I find it weird that people with girlfriends/boyfriends would even want to listen to me in the first place). Why does it have to be a piagam? I dunno. Haha, just came to me like that. So like that je la.

And again, this basic tennets only apply to people who're in it for the long haul. Fling-fling semua ni, aku tak main la bro. If there are any disagreements with any of the points below, then, meh, couldn't give a shit bruh. This is my final, "lepas-tangan" act as professional lamp post.

PIAGAM SHINJI

I'm not entirely sure if it's the influence of age, encouraging me to open my ears to new, previously untouched musical vistas...OR as my brother puts it, I simply have a frickin obvious bias towards anything from the land of sushi and Doraemon. I remember(and still am) not being much of a fan of the likes of Enter Shikari or Attack Attack. On the other hand, though I LOVE Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas! They're one of the only 2 sasau-core bands I properly layan from start to finish(you guessed it, Crossfaith's the other one). Uhuh, definitely the Japanese thing then.

I would actually dance to this though. Fer reals. You heard it here first; Syaf would actually sasau to SOMETHING. I really like how they mix Bodom/KSE-esque riffy goodness with video game noises, and of course, the aforementioned sasau elements. Then there's Minami's range of screams; it goes from guttural lows, all the way through to machine-gun-paced shrieks. I'm usually not a fan of the over-usage of autotune in vocals, but for this band I'll make an exception. Another thing I like about this band are their progressions. Each individual track(which averages on the typical 3-4 minute mark) is a mini aural journey that takes you from point A to B. Very Protest The Hero-esque, in terms of their unconventional song structures.

I'd definitely recommend listening to the entire frickin album! But I will share with you my absolute favorite moments for some of the tracks.

2. Rave-up Tonight

The key change at 1:47. 

4. Thunderclap

I love the entire track actually, but my favourite bit starts at 2:51 till the end. Gotta love those Megaman-esque keys man!

6. Virtue and Vice

Sasau-core at it's finest. Even the guitar riffs alone would do it for ya. But paling tak boleh blah about this song is at 1:56.

7. Nail The Shit Down

The sped up section at 2:03, which then slows back down to a pretty cool jazz breakdown starting at 2:20.

10. Flutter of Cherry Blossoms

California Girls moment at 1:47. Serious doh. Sumpah you put the Katy Perry lyrics in there, boleh kene gak. And it basically continues being awesome for me with the harmonized tapping, and another Megaman-esque keyboard moment right after that.

11. Stay as Who You Are

The only 7 minute track in the album. Starts out all BMTH-ish(ala Chelsea Smile), and then somehow morphs into this really summery vibe in the middle. 3:40 is where it's at! Sumpah it'll cheer your mood up kaw kaw. It's just hard to not be happy and giddy with the keyboard part here. Think of old Mickey Mouse cartoons and the way he struts and whistles along the street. That's basically how this section would make you feel. I call this one the Pokemon moment. You'll get why if you listen to it.

1. Foreword

Intros, interludes and ending clips either serve as aural trailers for what is about to come in the album, OR they're simply pointless fillers which some albums can easily do without. This one is the former. You kinda get a sense of what this album is going to be about; there are epic and majestic moments, build ups and crescendos, really beautiful singing and catchy guitar work. The guitar harmonies in particular man...in the words of Rathika Sheila, I can't even doh.

2. All Rise

The first track to be released by the then new outfit, months before the album was released. It's a good  snapshot for the direction the band is going for. Crushing-yet-melodic metal rhythms, interspersed with hooky chorus structures. From personal experience, this was one of those songs that took awhile, but it WILL eventually grow on you.

3. Death To Rights

I have a love/hate relationship with this song. That main riff in the beginning is badass tahap Killswitch aa. Apa yang slack kat sini is the fact that the bridge is WAY catchier and more interesting than the chorus. That's just not right dato'. And it's at 1:49 - 2:30. You're welcome.

4. Tempest

Musically, this track and the 14th track, Prophets(previously known as One Year in the previews) share some musical DNA; they've clearly been channeling their inner Judas Priest with these particular tracks...and they are SO good. Again, another aspect I love about this band is the lyric skills. Bapak gempak sial. I call this song the Homer(as in the Greek writer, not our favorite D'oh-nut) song, because it just makes you think of Greek mythologies and soaring through the Athenian skies on your Pegasus. I mean just take a look at the chorus. Epik. Tahap. Gaban; 

My wings they unfold in a storming gale,

The tempest calls for my flight to fail

When gravity beckons with it's hold

In spite of all the horizon sends winds to take me home

5. The Mason

I'm not sure if it's because of the tuning(it's in Drop C), or the abundance of palm-muted, alternate picking patterns that give this one some semblance of what AILD used to sound like. So there you go, not all berubah kaw kaw. This one has a pretty catchy chorus too. That's something you will see me say a lot la through out this entire post...THE CHORUSES.

6. Moving Up

Remember how I said they sound WAY more mainstream now? Ta da. Intro dia alang-alang Linkin Park lama kot. Which is fine by me. A good riff is a good riff, regardless of technical skill. However, having a lot of gems in this album, this is one of the less-loved children of mine la. It's still a good song. But meh(and yes, Syaf-style shrug included).

7. Sight of Shore

This is as AILD as you're ever gonna get on this album. The verse harmony reminds me of the twin lines from The Darkest Nights off Shadows are Security. The solo is definitely the most rock kapak moment out of the entire album too. The comment in the studio update was spot on; you definitely need a fan to blow Nick Hipa's hair as he wails through the solo.

8. Father/Son

I call this lagu Anthony(referring to a friend of mine with a penchant for all things post-rock and ambience). This is definitely the biggest turn around moment, in the sense that this was basically written by the same guys who did Nothing Left. It actually reminds me a lot of Vheissu era Thrice, be it structurally, musically, lyrically, vocally, etc. But this is a frickin catchy tune though. It's radio-friendly enough to make it to mainstream stations too.

9. Profane

I call this the WWE PPV track. You can instantly imagine this as the soundtrack to say, Summerslam or Survivor Series. Definitely doable for the WWE video games too. But the lyrics here quite the dalam(pronounced as duh-laam) jugak, despite it being the punkiest tune on the record. It's got my favorite chorus lines out of the entire album; 

I am a calloused hand from gripping the rock 

I am short a feathered wing for the flock 

I'm not weathered from your weightless voices bearing witness

10. Archer

Lagu sasau. Well kinda. The whole Edge style delay lines in the intro and choruses help give this track a refreshing twist. Riffing wise, especially in the verses, it's also one of the most technical. As usual, chorus menang. Overall, this has a bouncy feel to it.

11. Ruined Ends

Alang-alang FFAF(Funeral For A Friend, if you didn't get that...and referring to their heavier side, not the new-wavey stuff). That's all you need to know.

12. Identity

Ok this one has a bit of AILD to it too. Another meh for me personally.

13. Matter of Time

I need to correct myself here; there are 3 Priest inspired tracks on this album. This is another one. Josh Gilbert(AILD/Wovenwar's bassist-vocalist) takes lead vocal duties here. Suara dia lagi rock aa. And it serves the song quite well. Another frickin catchy chorus.

14. Prophets

Aa at last. THE song. The one yang made me wait in agony until the album came out. The big tease. The reason that got me hooked on to this new reincarnation of the band that was formerly known as As I Lay Dying. Letak kat last track pulak tu. Ish. But, at least for me, it was worth the wait. The song didn't dissapoint. It's got a peculiar structure though. I can't make any heads or tails of it. I'm not sure if there's even a chorus, or if the song is simply tied by recurring "melodic pre-choruses". This one too deserves a lyric shoutout;

I have seen a friend-turned-martyr bleed

And for what?

For what a stranger thought to us

with no authority to speak

It's always the loudest

who voice only their ignorance

15. Onward

Outro track. That's it.

It's been awhile since I've properly geeked out over a "new" band. And even longer for a "new" band to be on my "must-watch-list". I. MUST. WATCH. THEM. LIVE.

Now that I'm officially assignmentless, all these random post ideas are starting to come in. I'm sure every guitar player who frequently delve in the realm of distortion would have his or her idea of what their ideal high-gain tone would sound like; tight, punchy, boomy, etc. For me, there's definitely sponginess involved. But it's gotta be clear enough for full complex chords to ring, while at the same time, keeping metallic riffs and chugs tight and chunky. Anyway, for this first part, we shall be looking at 3 of my absolute favourite high gain tones, both in studio and live(yes, I too find it weird that all 3 band names start with A);

1. Alice In Chains

Guitarist of interest; Jerry Cantrell

This would be the starting point towards my holy grail of heavy guitar tone. Once I'm able to dial in a similar tone such as this on any pedal or amp, I'm a happy camper. This is more or less the type of sound I set my main distortion pedal/amp too, and then use another pedal(either an eq or overdrive) to bump up the frequencies for the aforementioned "metal chugs".

2. Alter Bridge

Guitarist of interest; Myles Kennedy(left track)

While Mr Tremonti will always be the resident six-stringed backbone of Alter Bridge, I tend to favour Mr Kennedy's live and studio tone more. It's not as "in your face" or "all-out metal" as Mark's. "Super-charged classick rock" would be a good way of describing his sound. It's also the reason why I will forever be intrigued by Diezel amps(although I wouldn't necessarily own one...there's no practical reason for me to fork out that much cash on an amplifier).

3. Abingdon Boys School

Guitarist of interest; Hiroshi Shibasaki(right track)



In a similar gear-related sense, Mr Shibasaki is the reason why I'm enamored by Music Man guitars; specifically the Luke models, as well making me rediscover the beauty and versatility of a HSS config strat-style guitar. I also consider him as a huge influence in my playing; not that I'm anywhere near his level, but I really appreciate his blues-meets-jazz-inspired lead work, 80s-effect-laden textures and making use of prog-ish chord progressions in a catchy, mainstream setting.

My go-to high gain tone is more to the "modern rock"/"alternative metal" side of things. Believe it or not, it's quite hard to find a pedal that can do that in its stock form. The best results are still best achieved with an amp. Even then, not all high gain amps have that balance of sponginess-meets-clarity-meets-tightness that I mentioned earlier. At the top of my head, I can only think of these names; Marshall JVM, Orange Rockerverb, Diezels, ENGLs, PRS Archon(I've only had first hand experience with the first 2 amps...the latter 3 belum try lagi, just basing it on youtube reviews and live/studio tones of other bands).

So the key here is "heavier-than-most-mainstream, but still relatively 'tame' than straight-up metal"(and that I also tend to favor warmer rhythm-friendly tones than sizzling cutting lead tones). There's this studio back home that a friend of mine works/frequents. The main room has a Marshall JVM combo and a Mesa Boogie Triple Rectifier stack. I would always make a beeline for the JVM straight away. Right off the bat, it's got that particular sound I like.

As an amateur, semi-intermediate guitarist, I'm in search of a rig that's both portable and more importantly, practical(c'mon, lugging 2 tube heads memang out of the picture la), yet still have a really good sound(see that, not decent, but REALLY GOOD). Thus, my options are limited to either modeling gear, like your Line 6s and Digitechs, or analog distortion pedals. While I'm not necessarily a tube snob, and can competently dial in tones on both forms of guitar technology, I do prefer pedals, just because it's a whole lot simpler, and there's just much less things to go wrong.

So recently I've been trying a MXR Superbadass distortion pedal at the store in the CBD, and I've gotta say I'm in love with it. It's got plenty of gain and character on its own, without mushing out or being too fizzy(typically speaking, most "high gain" pedals will have that problem). It really does sound like a dirty channel of an amp. It can go from light break up to Mastodon-heavy distortion. Frankly, that's more gain than I'll ever really need. Over the years, I've learned to be more particular about the overall eq of the tone, rather than just diming the gain for saturation and chunk. On both occasions, I've used a secondary pedal to help bump up the needed frequencies for my riffy metallic stuff. The first time, I used a MXR GT-OD(basically MXR's version of the infamous Tubescreamer), and for the second, I used an Earthquaker Devices Tone Job EQ pedal. Personally, I prefer the second round of testing. Boosting a distorted signal with an EQ pedal allows for more fine tuned tone sculpting, without the need to add more gain. I was able to get Myles Kennedy's live tone through a very bright, "clean" setup; I used a Fender Deluxe Lonestar Strat with a maple fretboard, through a fender combo(if I'm not mistaken, it was a Hot Rod Deville). Imagine that? Best of both worlds! I can do poppy-clean, Paramore/Hush Sound stuff, and immediately switch to Alter Bridge/Abingdon Boys School with a tap. Another tap(for the EQ pedal), and I was in KSE territory.

Since I wasn't able to record any samples, here are some demos from youtube to give you a rough idea of what this pedal is capable of;

The Marshall JVM isn't exactly the most sought after amp in the history of guitar amplification, let alone the history of high gain amplification. But it is, at least to me, an underrated workhorse, allowing any guitarists to dial a myriad of guitar tones on the fly; from passable cleans to heavy downtuned metal, and almost everything in between.

Right off the bat, you'll be happy to note that the Weehbo JVM Drive comes with a 3-band eq. I feel that any so-called high gain or amp-replacement pedal should at least have separate knobs for bass, middle and treble; it just makes it easier to fine tune and sculpt tones than with a single tone knob. The eq knobs on this pedal is quite responsive though. I hate to use this cliche, but it does feel amp-like in terms of how it responds. This could work as the perfect backup rig, or on gigs where you can't get a particular high gain amp that you like.

There are quite a few interesting features on here as well. The first is a 9v-18v dynamic internal supply voltage switch. This essentially adjusts the amount of headroom the pedal would be able to dish out, thus changing the overall feel and sound being produced;

9v setting;

The keywords here are compressed, squashed, focused, tight, and modern. This setting is perfect for the "modern" sounding distortion dwellers like yours truly, or if you're the type of person who plays in low volume.

18v setting;

This adds more headroom and definition to the distortion. Think of a more open and classic-rock inspired sound. It's also perfect if you need your sound to cut through a mix, without being too shrill or piercy.

Then there's the input knob. I've never really had experience with input knobs with other distortion pedals before, so it was a first for me. What this knob does, is essentially controlling the level of impedance, and according to the website, "amount of bass". "So there's basically two bass knobs?", you're thinking. Not quite. I think the input knob adjusts the "sag" of the distortion, which I guess does affect how "bassy" your tone would sound. It's a lot easier to understand when you twiddle this knob around when playing palm muted riffs. It's that extra "thunk" you get when you palm mute.

Let's not forget that this is a 2 channel pedal! The easiest way for me to differentiate the two channels is that channel 1 would be your rhythm channel, while 2 is for your lead, as it's got more compression and more bite. In channel 2 you basically get more sizzle, but lose some of the chunk. Perfect for leads. It's also good for thrash. But I personally wouldn't use channel 2 for modern metal riffing. The better route for that would be to pair channel 1 with another overdrive or eq pedal(I used a Xotic BB Preamp for this demo, which did wonders!). In terms of gain, channel 1 starts of at Green Day/Billy Talent like overdrive-distortion, and cranking it all the way towards the end, and you can get up to modern rock/post hardcore territory, minus the mud and over-fizziness.

So to recap; a handbuilt J-rock/modern rock in a box pedal from Germany, with super responsive, amp-like distortion and tonal shaping. Is it worth the price? That's up to you to decide.

Okay la, that might be a tad bit of an exaggeration. Melbourne is nowhere near as cold as London. Or even South Korea(as I've been reminded countless times by my Korean colleagues). But still, I'm too used to it being summer all year round(with the occasional wet spells) from where I come from.

Having said that, I'm here to compile a random list of things I now consider as much needed luxuries(you can live without them, more or less, but by god when you get it, layan sia) in winter; certain things I either take for granted in toasty KL, or simply never thought about till I came here.

1. A Hot shower

Not warm. No room temperature. PANAS. Macam hot spring/sauna level of panas. Kalau musim lain, memang the idea of throwing yourself into air-yang-borderline-melecur wouldn't even cross your mind. But if you spent almost every hour of your day outside on a windy(ni sebab utama Australian winters are a bitch...the wind is not your friend in winter, and they tend to make frequent appearances during the course of the day) winter's day. The only thing better than having a long hot shower in winter would be having your very own home built sauna. But ain't none of us got that kinda dough. So what to do. Actually, while we're at it, yes, a sauna is something I take for granted a lot when I'm back home. Kalau aku balik ni, nak cari sauna and just duk dalam there for awhile.

2. Sushi rolling

A friend of mine calls it burrito wrapping. "Tomatoe", "tomaato" man. Get a thick ass comforter/quilt/blanket, and roll yourself into a california roll. The best sia. To complete the picture, get a book or your laptop to watch a movie or go online.

3. Layers

Dekat Malaysia, pakai tshirt atau kemeja sudah. Sini, pakai dua-dua, pastu pakai sweater or jacket on top. On some days, lagi 2 tu pon pakai gak. Cannot la, too climatized to Malaysian weather dy. Gimme sweaty and sticky over brrrrr. But as of late I've been "winging it" so to speak; just pakai t-shirt and kemeja when going out. Don't ask me why, it's one of those unexplainable Syaf things(like how no matter what, my body just won't move in a club setting, it'll remain awkwardly static till I finally see no point in being there and bailing out early).

4. Socks

This makes a diff whether I dapat a good nights sleep or merana satu malam.

5. Good walking shoes
Think those thick ass Nike/Adidas/New Balance style shoes. Tak kira aa what brand. But I find that these type of shoes are the best. It particularly helps in winter, sebab bila too sejuk, I can make a dash for it...in comfort!

6. Soups, hot drinks, spicy food
Speaks for itself I think. But Aussie's level of pedas is a joke man. The "Extra Hot" level in Aussie Nandos ain't got nothing on the Malaysian equivalent.

It's a "Syaf" version, because I wrote a similar article for a friend of mine. This one's the shorter, more selamba/lepak version. It's basically a list of things I realized or noticed after working in the fnb line for awhile.

1. Most people don't bother to read

There are huge signs that say "order here", "cash only", "collect here" and "self service". But do they care? Nope. "Bro, latte tak sampai sampai lagi". You're supposed to pick it up yourself you prick. Tak nampak ke ada 5 orang lagi dekat counter tu, rajin je diorang tunggu. "Don't throw tissues into the bowl, we have bins for that". There are 2 of those frickin huge ass, block lettered signs; one when you frickin open the door, another when you're about to sit on the throne. Balik balik, sama gak, masuk toilet, tu dia, selagi ada lubang, tersumbat la dengan tissue. Pastu tanya kenapa toilet selalu out of order. Ee aku lempang karang.

2. There are 2 basic stereotypes of "corporate" people

They're either pushy pricks who lack common courtesy(like "excuse me", "hi", "thank you") and expect things to go their way errtime. Chop chop. And yes, they will more or less have some variation of the fuckface plastered on their mugs...ee rasa cam nak tumbuk je kekadang. The other type of corporate people though, I like! While they too may have that same sense of urgency, they still treat you like a human being. And its usually the latter type that will come in errday errday, become regulars, make polite conversation, and might even pop in when they're much more free in the weekends.

3. Working environment dictates my mood

So far with colleagues, regardless of where I work, takde hal la. Everyone I've met so far seemed chill and lepakable and seemingly have no interest in office politics. Kalau ada pon, I'm not a part of it, which is just the way I like it. But one stark difference between workplace A and B? The background music. There's "typical" coffee joint music(think uninspiring jazz, terlalu mellow stuff etc), vs a vinyl corner and custom ipod playlists by a manager/supervisor with good taste in music(amboi, mengampu nampak...haha, but true though).

4. England very the important

This applies more for the Aussie portion of my fnb career. Kat Malaysia tak kisah sangat. I understand how white people feel now; the whole "you come to our country, learn to speak the language" thing. Haha. Yang paling takleh blah, they'll have the accent down. Tapi pronunciation bapak berterabur. Grammar teruk takpe. I'm not much of a grammar nazi. Heck, my grammar kekadang all over the place gak, since im too used to speaking rojak. But its hard when you can't pronounce chocolate or regular. To be fair though, the locals aren't completely untouched either. Their main problem is that they mumble(again for both examples, not all obviously). Speak up man! How am I gonna take your order if you dont speak up?

I've made a promise to myself that I'd write SOMETHING, at least once a week. But with 3 more essays to go, I didn't really have time for my usual bouts of pondering and/or self reflection. I did however notice a recurring pattern for the past few weeks; I've basically stumbled upon a number of "90+% lookalikes" of people I have already known or met back home in Malaysia. Some of em are pretty spot on doppelgangers, except for the simple difference of ethnicity, or maybe some small but distinguishable twist to the facial features that separate these "clones" from the "orignals"(I know, I know, no one's really a clone of anybody here). There's a very "Pokemon-gotta-catch-em-all" vibe to all this, apart from the fact that I don't literally document each encounter with pics and notes. That is already Silence of The Lambs territory bro.

I know, I know. Let's just not go into any arguments about how I'm not much of a catch either. I'm aware of my own limitations okay? But a guy can dream, can't he? To be fair, it's not really an impossible list either. And it has nothing to do with specific looks(it took me awhile, but I've finally established that I don't actually have a "type"; my taste is simply dictated by whoever I like at that particular moment in time). This is more of a to-do list really; things that I'd expect the "dream woman" to be comfortable and down with. For the sake of simplicity, she shall simply be referred to from this point on as "her".

Mamak/Ramly/Chill makan sessions

This is the easiest, yet at the same time, one of the most essential things I need to be able to do with her, simply because it's the one element that's consistent with every good example of a happy, functioning long term relationship(from parents to friends). A couple who grows fat together, is sure as hell happy together. Ask my folks(I know, I know, you guys dah start slimming down dah, but you know, still a point).

Movie night-ins/pandai just lepak kat rumah

Wajib doh. I think I mentioned this before in one of the earlier posts. Cari alasan nak snuggle je ni. Haha. But why not la kan, alang-alang tengah tengok movie. And regarding the ability to just sit it in, some girls find it a boring routine. To me on the other hand, it's one of the little comforts I never take for granted; just chilling at home with people you actually care about. Priceless.

Explore/Adventure time/Hikes/Climbs/Traveling

So we're still in the do-able territory. But it'd be cool if I can do this EVERY weekend. Any takers?

Cook together

What I'm about to say doesn't apply to ALL the ladies I know, but, MOST of you can't cook for shit. And it's not an insult because many of you willingly admit it yourselves(heck, even my mom acknowledges my dad was the house cook sejak azali lagi, haha). Dah semua aim nak ada maid/personal chef/eat out frequently, kira takyah belajar masak aa kan? Haha, I forgot who told me this, but one of em was so proud that they were able to masak maggi. Awww, *pats head. But yea, it'd be nice to actually cook with someone every now and then. Masak sorang-sorang bosan gak, after awhile.

Quiet time/reading/libraries/galleries/drawing-sketch sessions

As you can see, "chill" is a very apt description for how I prefer to spend most of my time. I'm quite new to galleries. My first time was just recently, when one of my uni-mates dragged me, out of the blue after our class. And it's not all "high brow". We played a game where she points out a painting and I'd rate it from 1-10. It's interesting because we have different systems and tastes, and I now know that I'm apparently a fan of realist paintings over expressionist/abstract ones. But I dunno if I have any kakis back home though. Regarding quiet time, even my closest friends can't handle "awkward silences". Dudes(by dudes I mean dudettes, since I'm talking to the female population here), I'm not purposely trying to make you feel awkward(okay, not true, sometimes I do in fact purposely make a situation awkward...because there's just something fun about making another human being squirm and fidget uncontrollably, clawing unto thin air for conversation topics...I'm a social sadist, I know). Sometimes it's just nice to appreciate each other's company without the need to talk. No? Just me? Okay...

Ditch a boring "up" event for a more lepak night out, still in our fancy getups

Speaks for itself. I dunno, I'm just intrigued by this particular idea.

"Sweet" parkour chase/jump tag

This is basically the jangan harap section of the list. I'll always openly be a child at heart, and I want her to be able to indulge me with such childish endeavours. Tak nak aa serious/grown up selalu. Cepat bosan seh. Dari a lovey-dovey walk in the mall, lagi best lari/lompat merata-rata around downtown kl.

I'll probably add more down the line, or make some up as I go. But yea, yet another reason why I'm still single. Haha.

I've decided to use this site as a portfolio of sorts for all my writing. Thus all my past, present and future work will be linked from here. To start with, here are some of the older stuff I wrote for Rocketfuel Mag;

Spidey Nostalgey

Roadrunner United The All-Star Sessions Part II: Syafiq's Dream Picks

Syafiq's Album of All Time: Lostprophets - Start Something

Turning Japanese: Uverworld

Turning Japanese: Acid Black Cherry

Turning Japanese: Abingdon Boys School

Turning Japanese: D'espairsRay

Turning Japanese: Deluhi

Review: Stone Sour - House of Gold and Bones Pt 1 and 2

The Evolution of: Alice In Chains

Review: Alice In Chains - The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here

Review: Coldrain - The Revelation

Turning Japanese: Visual Kei

Review: Killswitch Engage - Disarm The Descent

Turning Japanese: A Brief Introduction to J-Rock

Over the years, I've realized that I've had a pretty bi-polar relationship with girls that I've considered as "super close"(it doesn't matter if it's 2-way or just me deciding that for myself, still applies irregardless); I'm either the dude who will always have their back, OR, on the flipside, the most overbearing and needy.

Needy how? Simple; you need them to need you. And I don't mean that in a romantic sense. I guess it's kinda like a dad's/brother's relationship to his adolescent daughters/sisters. You're used to being a "pillar" of sorts; a source of comfort/advice/inspiration/motivation/companionship for them, but now that they've grown up and started exploring brave new worlds on their own, you have all this "extra time" and space that they've left behind. Some guys(like yours truly, at one point) simply dont know how to handle that. Thus, you start smothering them.

Sometimes we can unnecessarily take it a little too personal too, especially when what they rightly need is some much deserved space. The thing to remember though, is it's not that they stopped caring about you anymore or any less. It's simply a time for them to give all their focus in making a name for themselves in this world with their own strength.

Sure it's a sick, sad, little world out there. Who wouldn't go into bouts of worrying and overanalyzing worst case scenarios? But all you can and should do at this stage, is lepas tangan je, because there are many things in life that are simply out of your control. The sooner you accept that inevitable fact, the sooner you'll be at peace with not only yourself, but at your charges setting out into the horizon, slowly but surely climbing their way to the top. And hey, just because they stopped relying on you, it doesn't mean that you should stop caring for them any less.

Writing and sharing random experiences(or as you are about to find out, lack thereof) is therapy for me. No, that's not the epiphany. This is a post about people who easily get along with members of the opposite sex platonically, but have no idea how to deal with "major crushes".

So what is this great epiphany that I've had? Girlfriends/boyfriends are basically like every other close friend that you have, except you can do mushy stuff or even possibly fuck with. Really that's it. To the rest of the human population, they'd be going, "uh no shit, Sherlock". But to some of us, especially the aforementioned "dude-sisters"(like me for example) or "bros with bras"(girls who get along well with guys), we have this flawed notion of our potentials/crushes being "extra special", since we're already so used to the company of the opposite sex, but out of nowhere this one particular person grabs you, metaphorically, by the balls/ovaries. 

So this is typically how my "major crush" cycle works;

1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

You make friends. If not with the crush herself, at least with a friend of the crush. At this stage there's usually no indication of attraction whatsoever. You really are just making friends for the sake of making friends. No hidden agendas or anything screwy here, yet. At best, a typical response to the question "what do you think of her?" is, "meh, she's alright".

2. Click

You get relatively close to this small circle of people. In my case, I'll usually become really close with everyone else BUT the girl who would eventually become a major crush. Again, it's not by design. It's just how it is. I click with everyone else but the girl herself.

3. What's this?

You start developing feelings for her. It's a really slow, gradual process. But it's also pretty random and sudden, because you could have no previous inclinations whatsoever, and then one day you heard a whacky anecdote about her from one of your now close mutual friend, or you picked up a particular quirk of hers that you just happen to find irresistible. And depending on how long I take to look for my balls(could be anywhere between weeks to months), I'll eventually decide to "do something bout it".

4. I am Legend

I don't have a "cruise" setting when it comes to major crushes. I either go all out(again, not a good thing due to the context) or not at all(but in my head, I thought I was). So you can see how easily this will go tits up. As mentioned in point 2, you don't really click with the girl or have any chemistry in the first place, but because you like her so much, you force some kind of a connection, which is generally unstable. It's not natural, and you're usually not yourself. You sort of change certain things that makes you "you" for the sake of trying to make you look more desirable to her. For whatever reason, for me, that usually means TRYING to be more "cool" and "mature/sophisticated-ish"(or as my Singaporean friend puts it, style "abang-abang"). If you know me well by now, you know those are the last words you'd use to describe Syafiq Roslan. I'm an open book(-ish) and I like to annoy. That's my official stats sheet in a nutshell. And when you mess with your personal dynamics like that, not only does it come through loud and clear to everyone else, but you also get easily irritable for not being able to be yourself around this person.

5. Trainwreck

So after "sufficiently" getting to know her or wait "long enough" to make my move(again, in my case, that usually translates as never), I'd tell her. These particular instances are forever etched in my memories because I would always find the most unnecessarily elaborate and embarrassing ways of telling someone that I fancy them. I'll list down all 3 for you, because I've really only had 3 major crushes in my semi-adult life, and I usually have no qualms talking about em, since it's all already in the past anyway; 1) confessing while sobbing uncontrollably in public, 2) making a fuckin expensive long distance phone call, and 3) driving to the crush's house, rudely waking her up and confessing in the car. It's safe to say, none of em has worked yet.

6. The fuck you phase.

So girl rejects boy. Boy feels "betrayed", for some really stupid reason only the boy alone can understand(in hindsight, I don't get it either), because frankly, the girl really didn't do anything wrong in the first place. Thus boy TRIES(emphasis on tries) to give a cold shoulder, or goes into a fit, but secretly yearns more me time with the girl. After a few weeks or months(depends on how bad he crushed on the girl) of self loathing, unnecessary tantrums to his actual friends, pathetic bouts of depression and other such childish displays, he finally realized that he's been living just fine as is, and he's actually content with having his small circle of trustable compadres around, and that the crush isn't really an essential cog in his machine after all. And so...

7. He moves on.

Basically once you've reached this point, air kat bawah titi. There's no more awkwardness, no more grudges(again, why would you have one anyway, diorang bukannya buat apa-apa pon), no more intense feelings. But you also don't really have that urgency to see or hang with her either. Now, she's just sort of here nor there. A non-issue.

And thus, the mystery of why Syafiq Roslan tak pernah ada awek is revealed. There is a lesson here. Don't take things way too seriously and try not to get too ahead of yourself. Always keep the aforementioned epiphany in mind(that girlfriends/boyfriends are essentially just close friends that you cuddle and hold hands and possibly fuck). I think people like me have a habit of attaching that "one of a kind/irreplaceable" label prematurely, when by right it's supposed to be something you only realize AFTER being together with someone for awhile. In short, I've never actually been in love. Just plain old, insane, infatuation so far.

So do I actually feel "loneliness"? Yes and no. No, because like I said, I already have a host of tight knit compadres for the merriest of times. Also, for the most part, I prefer to do things on my own anyway. But occasionally, you do yearn for that feeling of wanting to snuggle up with someone(that you find attractive) while you're watching movies. But tu je la sebenarnya. I'm still really not that keen on a proper, full-on commitment just yet. So snuggle buddy, anyone? =D